Ok so this happened - Day 0-2

I had a little meltdown on New Year’s Eve day.   There is so much clutter in my house and no where to put anything.  Everything is full.  Unfortunately that means my brain is full too. So I can’t function.  The meltdown itself is a really funny story, well in hind sight.  Short version.  I screamed, yelled and threw things then left and drove to my friend Kathy’s husband Doug for help in Peterborough.   The long version is a little scarier, so I am sticking with this story.   

I ended up spending New Year’s Eve at our friend’s house in Bobcaygeon.  Mark and Joanne were exceptionally great and very kind to me. Eventually your hands stop shaking and the shame and embarrassment creep in.  I went home Jan 1 but had trouble looking at all the stuff.  I couldn’t stay in my house.  For months the only place in my house that didn’t overwhelm me was my chair and I couldn’t sit in that chair one more time. I stayed at the farm and got a good nights sleep. I took the following pictures before I left. These are from the main floor.

By far the hardest part so far is that I think I scared the crap out of hubby.  On Jan 2 he worked like a crazy person to remove the obvious stuff/clutter from our house.  He dropped off presents and plants to his brothers, he took down ornaments and the tree, threw out half of bags stuffed in the plastic bag recycling thing that was overflowing, sorted which of our many books he wanted to keep, he cleaned his area of the sink, and put gas in my van.  I finished off by sorting all the Christmas stuff.  I removed anything I have not used in 10 years and packed up the rest.  Yeah.  I think I can be in the living room without being triggered.  I stayed home that night, but sleep was elusive.

Now comes the hard part.  The problem is not just all of the surface and Christmas stuff.  The problem, as I have currently identified it, is much bigger.  The files can’t move off the table because the filing cabinets downstairs are full.  Stuff can’t just be moved to the garage because the garage is full.  I can’t hide stuff in cupboards because they are all full.  For 12 years now things come in our house and nothing leaves.  My dad’s stuff is here, hubby’s parents stuff is here and my mom gave me her 5 generations of family history stuff.  And as Blake turns 18, I realize that I can’t leave him with all this stuff.  Top that with the Covid, the friggin Covid 50, mid-December dental surgery on my missing front tooth again, a meltdown over Christmas by someone I love, the closure of school again and a lovely new disability insurance advisor who felt the need to make me describe in detail all of the reasons I am too broken to work on December 29 and you get MELTDOWN. 

Joanne told me that knowing the problem was better than just sobbing and saying I didn’t know what was wrong.  Agreed!  

So, Now that I have verbalized the problem, it’s context and severity it is time to move onto solutions and I am going to blog this adventure.  One to help me focus, two to clear my mind, three to monitor my progress, four to update those who care and five to help me not forget how I got here.  

If you are curious or interested in my progress you can follow along or sign up for the automatic email updates below.  I am not planning on posting to Facebook every time I blog. 

There are a lot of people who have supported me and helped me get things done in the past, I miss you all desperately and I can’t even begin to tell you how much I appreciated every single thing you did.  Knowing that there is a virtual connection to you will help.  

Happy New Year to you all,  

Cheers to getting things done.